Bouquets of Sharpened Pencils

"Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me wanna buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address. On the other hand, this not knowing has its charms."

-Tom Hanks as Joe Fox (You've Got Mail)

As a little girl I always dreaded the end of summer, knowing that the fall brought cold weather, the start of the school year, and shorter days. I am, and always have been, a summer LOVER. I love warm weather, I love the sun, I love flip flops, fireworks, ICE CREAM. I love everything between the months of May and September. But now I have to admit that I am really starting to appreciate the fall. Every year my mom pointed out the changing leaves. She loved the way the world changed in September. We had a massive oak tree in our backyard. Its branches hung like an umbrella, shading our entire yard. Well, I am sad to say that that beloved oak tree eventually got some traveling only-in-Iowa disease and had to be cut down. My mom video taped this monumental event and actually cried as the branches fell to the ground. Needless to say, she wore her emotions on her sleeve. Something about that story sticks with me even now, almost four years later. Trees are very symbolic. I have heard so many "Christian" analogies using the tree. But for me it's more simple than that. To me they represent beauty and they symbolize change. I recently took a trip up State Road 31 from Indianapolis to South Bend. As I drove I watched in anticipation to see the changing leaves. Although it's still early in the season, the colors are beginning to show up. Orange, red, dark purple, brown. It's all so comforting to me. This is also especially significant in my life as of late because I feel as though I have been in constant transition for the last few months. My life has been defined by change and consistency is something of the past for me.

My senior year of college was, as I'm sure it is for most people, an awkward season. I wanted so badly to be "present" in everything that I did at school but I was also mentally pulling away, knowing that my life would change a year later. And here I am, after months of searching for a job, interviewing, closing doors, opening new ones, moving, standing up with my best friends on their wedding day, ending relationships, building relationships, starting a new job and now preparing for a huge new transition. Our church is in the middle of a season of change. Things are going to be drastically different in the coming months and I am preparing for a time of uncertainty, unknown future and growth. Even as I wait...and dream for what the future may hold I know that God has a plan and that He already has this figured out. God's grace amazes me every day. I am so undeserving and yet he continues to love and care for me. Right now the leaves represent change.
I have learned many a life lesson from the movie You've Got Mail. It is a Stephens' women favorite. My mom, sister and I would watch that movie at least 5 times a year and quote the entire thing, laughing each time as though we had never seen it before. And just as Joe Fox (F-O-X) of Fox Books says, "this not knowing has its charms". Something about transition and change is comforting. I don't want to live a predictable life. And as my personal life continues to change, so does the world around me. Just as I continue to find the beauty in the changing leaves, the huge fall sky, and the crisp, cool weather, I also continue my search for beauty within the transitions of my own life. Someday I know I will be able to look back and see the hand of God, the way he brought me through this season and the way he worked through it all. And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.